If I were to get a job with The Onion, this is the first story I would write

Jersey Man Accidentally Discovers the Function of Turn Signals

In a miraculous accident, a New Jersey man learned that “that little knob on the side of the steering wheel” actually has a function. Grant Oliver was driving on Route 4 on Sunday and was about to shift lanes when he accidentally hit his turn signal. To Oliver’s surprise, drivers in the left lane actually made room for him to enter the lane after the turn signal blinked.

“I had no idea what that knob was for,” Oliver said, “ Up until now I just turned when I wanted to turn and lane shifted when I felt like it and it was always so frustrating that people wouldn’t stop for me or let me in.” Oliver has found his life changed by this so-called turn signal and discovered that its uses are widespread, from signaling at traffic lights to gaining access to highways. Given the scarcity of use of turn signals, Oliver believes he has made a breakthrough in driving technique.

A spokesperson from the NJ Department of Motor Vehicles offered further comment, “ We’ve been trying to get people to use turn signals for years! There’s even an entire section in the driver’s manual on using your turn signal.”

With Oliver’s new discovery, the DMV hopes that the turn signal phenomena will become more widespread, but the question still remains to be seen, can New Jersey drivers get off their phones long enough to find the turn signal?